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Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss
called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last
straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my
hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore,
you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love
me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone. P.S. If you're trying to
find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a great life! Your EX Wife
Dear Ex Wife Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to
try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did
notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that
came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me not to
say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had
on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed
that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of
this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I
discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my
job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were
gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you
wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care. P.S. I don't know if
I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's
not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!