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Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving

you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have

nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss

called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last

straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my

hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new

negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to

sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore,

you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love

me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone. P.S. If you're trying to

find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia

together! Have a great life! Your EX Wife

Dear Ex Wife Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a

good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to

try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did

notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that

came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me not to

say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite

meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I

stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had

on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed

that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty

dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of

this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I

discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my

job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were

gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the

filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you

wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care. P.S. I don't know if

I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's

not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!