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To:
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
Reasons:
- I do physical labor
I do physical labor
 - I work at great depths
I work at great depths
 - I plunge head first into everything I do
I plunge head first into everything I do
 - I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
 - I work in a damp environment
I work in a damp environment
 - I don’t get paid overtime
I don’t get paid overtime
 - I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
 - I work in high temperatures
I work in high temperatures
 - My work exposes me to contagious diseases
My work exposes me to contagious diseases
 
******************* Replay *******************
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
You have raised, the administration rejects your request for the 
Following reasons:
- You do not work 8 hours straight
You do not work 8 hours straight
 - You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
 - You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
 - You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
 - You do not take initiative
You do not take initiative
 - You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
 - You leave the work place rather messy at the end of your shift
You leave the work place rather messy at the end of your shift
 - You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations,
You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, 
        such as wearing the correct protective clothing
- You’ll retire well before reaching 65
You’ll retire well before reaching 65
 - You’re unable to work double shifts
You’re unable to work double shifts
 - You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have
        Completed the day’s work
- And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
               Leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely
The Pussy
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                       (o o)
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